2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR- OPEN!

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poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#1
1 PHILIP MADOC: A TRIBUTE

Traitorous. Sells the old man to the aliens, only to be repaid as a traitor deserves in a ball of flame.

Self-serving. Keeping up the status quo of the parasitic crystalline invaders.

Cold and calm. Ordering the deaths of millions casually for an army, only to be erased from existence in his turn for his crimes.

Brilliant surgeon and fanatic. He saved the brain of an evil tyrant, and plans to give him a new monstrous body.

Punch-clock villain. Not a true antagonist, but not at all pleasant.

Philip Madoc. A gentleman. A villain for all seasons. Requiescat in pace.



2 JOKER

Wanna know how I got these scars?

Well, does it really matter how I got them? Does it really?

Naw. Not one bit.

It’s not like anyone cared about me or mine, not until I put on the paint. Then people started noticing. Why have one past, when I can have many, or none at all?

I am more than just an agent of anarchy and chaos. I’m an agent of entropy. It’s natural you see. Entropy always increases. Why fight it? Why not embrace entropy? Everything burns. Everything falls apart. Even the Bat can’t fight entropy.

No one can.


3 THE HEROES CHOICE
The dog of the north , who had defended all his countrymen while their armies slept in the face of the greatest of danger, was faced with the ultimate choice of the great heroes.
He who’s fame had already spread had to choose between two deaths.
He could hide and ignore the screams of terror sent forth by the spawn of magicians and demons and live a full life , or go forth and live forever, sealing immortality in his own blood.
What choice had he.
He died with sword in hand standing tall and still he lives on .


4 HOLY CLOUD, BRINGER OF KNOWLEDGE

Belief is power and the objects in which belief is focused therefore would have power.
Makes sense.
First he stole the fragments of the cross . Powerful but they burnt out too quick. Two pieces small as splinters.
The jawbone of the saint was a disaster. Bloody thing had been removed for cleaning so all he had was an empty box.
But now he had a heart . One which a city had prayed too for 800 years . This was promising . This would work. Millions of prayers distilled into one object.
Googles cloud computer was ready to go.


5 The Smith
The Smith was working in his forge. He liked to work it meant he didn’t had to spend time with his family. Gods they were a nasty bunch. His mother once kicked him out, his wife was unfaithful to him with that soldier boy and he once had to cut his father’s head open so his sister could get out. Sadly it didn’t affect the old man in any way. The horny bastard.
His customer appeared smelling of seawater.
‘You finished the armour?’
‘Yes. You sure you don’t need my new heel protection?’
‘Don’t be daft! Nobody gets hurt there!’
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#2
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

6 Active v Passive

Tiger
The hungry tiger sniffs the air and scents prey. Approaches stealthily downwind through the undergrowth. Muscles bunch, then a mighty leap knocks the prey to the ground. One slash with razor-sharp claws extended, rips through clothing, skin and flesh. Blood spurts as the tiger feasts.
Man
Warnings about leaving the camp alone are unheeded. Camera is readied. One last photo of wildlife is desired. Suddenly a feeling of primeval dread is experienced. The man is knocked to the ground. A final memory of orange and black fury is recorded - then nothing..................
Tiger eats man.
Man is eaten by tiger.


7 Waking up on board a spaceship after being frozen in suspended animation for 100 years

Adam awoke.
Astounding! Actually alive again after an age asleep! Absolutely amazing!
Adam arose awkwardly, arms aching after an activity absence. Activating audio, aged Adam Ant and Aerosmith airs abounded, as Adam aerobically aclimatised. Afterwards, Adam ate an apple, asparagus and almonds.
Abruptly, an android alerted Adam,
"Aliens approaching! Airlock ajar! Aliens admitted! Access achieved! Advise arming!"
Aghast, afraid and adrenalin a-pumping, Adam attired armour and Arc-Laser.
Adam's Arc-Laser aimed and activated as abominable alien after alien arrived.
Apocalypse averted! All aliens ablaze and annihilated.
Adam and android all alone again.

ARRIVAL!
As Alpha Ageus appeared ahead, Adam awoke Eve.


8 If Only.................!!

I will always remember that wonderful night.

I saw him in Rome. We ate pizza, pear mousse and red wine over a candlelit dinner.
"I adore you! We are soul mates. I want to be with you for ever. Let us tie the knot. I know you want to too, because I see it in your eyes."
My heartbeat quickened. An eternity is a long time. Was he Mister Right?
"Let's wait a while," I said, "We will see what happens."

Ten years later, I still think about what could have been and sadly wipe away a tear.
The end...............?


9 If Only (Spellcheckers Weren't Complete Pants)!!

Aisle all weighs remember vat won duffle knight.

Eyesore hymn inn Roam. Wee eight peat sir, pair moose and read whine ova a can dull lit dinner.
"Eye a door ewe! Weir sole mates. Eye one two bee with ewe four ever. Lettuce tie the not. Eye no ewe one two two, bee course eye sea tin yore rise."
My hart beet quick end. Annie turn nitty is along thyme. Was he mist er write?
"Lettuce waiter wile," ice ed, "Wheel sea watt tap pens."

Tenure slater, eyes till thinker bout watt cud of bean and wiper weigh at ear.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#3
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

10 OMG!

He stared at him. She stared at him. They all stared at him. All realising the moment of meeting is getting ever closer. They proffer the tomes like golden Talents. They mumble earth given names ineffectually, as if the person opposite is God like. Small talk becomes babble as they state how much they admire his work. It becomes a nothing to him. He smiles the smile of someone who can’t believe this many people want to have a book signed by him.
They leave elated with their signed book. “OMG!” they breathe, in awe . “He signed my book!”


11 CABBAGES

So good for you. Healthy, stuffed full of Vitamins. Versatile? Have you ever had to cook it? Shredded, chopped, boiled - usually until yellow and soggy, steamed, fried, used as a wrapper for fish, ok, I came late to that one thanks to Chinese cooking. But why, tell me, does cabbage taste of nothing so very much?
The one thing that cabbage is any good for is using to cover up that one bit of gristly meat and you hope no one notices. You notice the other diners have cautiously followed suit. That’s what cabbage DOES! It saves the day!


12 BAD(ger) DREAM

A black badger hunts me as I run for the cover of the bush lined river. It is in full spate. I must risk it as the badger is closing in and I must get to – it was somewhere - Safety.
Please tell me why I am running from a Black Badger? What have I ever done for a badger except to put a used cream carton out, one day, in Cornwall back in the eighties? The badger is swimming the river. I have to run but I am cold.
I wake to find my black Labrador licking my face.


13 A MORNING IN THE LIFE OF D’ARCY T’ARCY (ace reporter, retired)

I went out this morning with Wormould Dangler, Fardle fisherman. But the Fardle Tench but were not biting, or even champing. We fished for worms instead. This proved fruitful and soon they had a whole bucket full.
“I breed them!” Wormould told me, putting away his flute and swimming goggles, “I intend to have the monopoly on all the worm baiting on the Fardelshire!”
I, D’Arcy T’Arcy, was intrigued, “Why”?
“Cos, there’ll only be worms on my worm farm!”
“Wormy, look old trout, you’ll never get all the worms on the Fardelshire. Besides, what’ll the moles do for lunch?”
“Bugger!”


14 A Viking Tale-Teller

A Tale Teller I, with hidden meanings,
Dark despair or merry words.
A tear, droplet of concern, two tales if only tears could speak.
A glint of eye, of threatening moment, raised spear, and crashing shield.
A moment in time, to speak of greater moments past and gone.
If I do see a storm approaching, I tell a tale of calming fjords.
If I do hear of calmed water, I tell a tale of raging seas.
Long boats bound for glory, to set apace the pulse and thought.
A tale teller I, with hidden meanings,
Dark despair or merry words.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#4
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

15 MAKE WAY FOR POOH

To return the thread or not return the thread , that is the question.
In the war of the forum one man stood resolute.
Using his sharp tongue and finger dancing smileys to the best of his ability he brought notice to his cause and forced a democratic resolution.
Some call him a crank. Others the saviour of free speech and fun.
He survives earthquakes, he laughs in the face of nuclear disaster, he eats Tsunamis for breakfast.
Without much ado let me introduce the grammar hammer , the teacher preacher , the man from Japan,
IT’S THE DRABBLE MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


16
THE BROKEN DRUM
A welcoming and friendly escape from a worlde gonne mad!!

Hi! Newbie here.
I'm NobbyColon fom La Paz, Bolivia. My birthday's May 25.

Gee! What a friendly place! Thanks for your warm welcomes. I'll just jump in then.

Yesterday NobbyColon went halibut fishing on Lake Titicaca, then had Spam for dinner. NobbyColon's listening to Mega-Nepalm-Apocalyptical-destruction, it's raining, which is frustrating, but he feels fine. Tomorrow he's going to build a reed coracle.

Here's a photo of my pet - a stick insect called Kevin (Can you vote for it?), and a youtube video of a flying cat attacking kevin.

PS: Congratulations Pip!
PPS: That Poohcarrot's a git!

Phew! That's twenty threads!


17 Rats.

Rats everywhere.
I can hear them behind the walls and under the floor.
Up in the ceiling and in the garden.
Hundreds of little feet with claws, scurrying around me.
There were mice once, I remember those times, but then the rats came and killed them.
And now they are everywhere.
Unseen to the eye.
But you can hear them.
Day.
Night.
Moving behind the walls and under the floor.
Up in the ceiling and in the garden.
They are everywhere.
And I am here in the middle of everything.
Life can be good when you are a cat.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#5
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

18 A true story
Mary looked at me and said: “She’s been poisoned, she’s going to die. All exams have been done, now we’re giving her medicine, she’s weak”.
I had tears in my eyes. I barely know her, still I was crying. She’s only three, that’s so unfair!
The next day I heard nothing, then Saturday I saw Mary.
“how is she?”
“Still weak, she won’t eat, but we’re feeding her artificially, we’re all scared!”
I prayed for her, so young and lively, then this morning I saw Mary. She was smiling and behind her I heard Cherie barking. She’s going to live!



19 Warriors real life
I walk slowly towards him; nobody can see me, so I take him by surprise and stab the ugly monster with all my strenght.
He fights back, but I'm too much for him, nobody can stand a chance against the Great Warrior...
PAUSE...
Excuse me? Sure, I'm working on it. professional smile You can count on me. ..
PAUSE...
I raise my sword again ...
PAUSE..
Yes? It'll be on your desk in five minutes... smiling the I'm a reliable person Smile ... *sigh* …yeah..sure..right now..
WANT TO SAVE? yes.
WANT TO EXIT? ... *sigh again* ... yes... I guess.

20 Death and Karaoke

“……… the end is here
and so I face the final curtain”

SORRY COULD YOU GET A MOVE ON YOU DON’T HAVE ALL NIGHT

“……. but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper”

GLAD TO HEAR SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS

“………… they don't work
No regrets they only hurt”

DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE READY. COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE I SUPPOSE AT LEAST ITS NOT ANGELS . THEY BLOODY MURDER THAT ONE

“…………were .drinking whiskey in Rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die”

NOT IF YOU SING EVERY BLOODY VERSE OF THAT.
KARAOKE AND DODGY SUSHI , WHAT A BLOODY DAY
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#6
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

21 DRABBLE ON

I drabbled all over my bloody face which was unfortunate as I was well on my way to some textual intercourse.
I tried to strike a prose to save face .
She didn’t seem too impressed by the cut of my narrative so I went for something a bit more novel.
Unfortunatley she saw right through my expository and threw my figuratives right back at me.
Sadly it was time to get my poetry in motion which was a shame as she had waxed lyrical.
Looks like it was going to have to be another autobiographical night ahead for me.



22 WHAT WOULD YOU COLLECT?

If I won the euromillions ™ I’d get my mate Mongo loads of collectable Pulp magazines that he’s always going on about.
I’d do my best to rebuild crazy Dels collection her bugger of an ex ruined on her.
Then I’d get that mad security guard a few Fabrege eggs.
I’d have to pick up a pile of first edition books all really collectable for Penners and Miss Antiq and those paintings they both like.
I’d get Aunty a few of those watches she loves and Richard every bit of lego ever made.
Then I’d keep it all and laugh .

22Why?

Why?, Why?, Why?, Why?, Why?
Why?, WHY?, why?, why? WHY?

The school inspector was VERY impressed.
How old was she? Year 6? And yet in her essay book, she had written a poem that struck a chord with him. A poem that he felt was quite profound!
Why, indeed? Surely that is the ultimate question?
Excellent! The school would merit a glowing report, for obtaining such high standards!
And so the inspector met her, to ask her why she was compelled to write such poetry?

“Detention”, she replied. “I had to write ‘why?’ over and over again, as a punishment.’
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#7
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

23 ISABELLA LUCY BIRD 1831-1904
Life - A daring adventure or nothing at all


She lived up with the Ainu,
In northernmost Japan.
She travelled with the "Tommys,"
From Baghdad to Tehran.

The Yangtze and the Han,
She followed to their source.
In Morocco with the Berbers,
She rode a big, black horse.

She loved a Yankee outlaw,
"Rocky Mountain Jim."
800 miles together,
She rode along with him.
("Someone any woman might love, no sane woman would marry!")

Across Tibet, Oz, India,
The peninsular Malay,
Through Kurdistan and Turkey,
She wound her merry way.

So raise your glass, salute a "gal,"
A name you've never heard.
"Nobody has adventures,
Like Isabella Bird!"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isabella_Bird


24 You won’t get away with it!
You know justice won’t touch you because you KNOW justice doesn’t exist. Not anymore, if ever it did.
But tell me now: are you sure no kind of power whatsoever can touch you? Are you REALLY sure? Let me tell you this: upon my soul, with everything I’ve got, I now curse you, from the deep of my heart, I curse you! Remember my words, and find no peace!
Remember, anytime you call it bad luck, it’ll be me.
Failure will be your name, Disgrace your destiny, until you’ll come begging me.
Then I’ll smile, and watch you beg again..



25 Watching the A-Team

I swap channels on TV, dumb movies everywhere. Then I stop. Not a masterpiece of TV, maybe, but such candour is disarming.
Now they appear.
Murdoch: the please notice me child; B.A.: the good hearted, honest man with the kind smile; Hannibal: crazy scoundrel and lucky leader, and the other guy, the : wanna be a movie star cause I’m so charming one.
Every episode is the same, a pretty girl, a bad guy, a lot of shooting and nobody hurt… I feel like I’m a kid again. Not a lot of “good TV” can do that for you!
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#8
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

26 My Love denied.

We fell in love in 1970. We planned to marry, remember? We had met in a muddy field on one of those Government ‘Get to know’ weekends, remember? We made such plans and ideas and even your father was happy about it.
My life could have turned out so different, in an embassy maybe, some foreign land no one has heard of. No. Your Mother disliked my accent, didn’t she? She disliked the fact I may have been below her own desires for her only beloved son.
I loved you then and I always have. Do you still love me?


27 The Silver Cross Pram History.

I had a lovely silver cross dolls pram. Every local dog and cat had ridden in it. Even my young brother had ridden in it when Dad took him to hospital after burning his hands. They had needed something quickly – he fitted.
Then one day it was gone. I had out-grown it, but I still loved it. It had morphed into a go-cart, par excellence; my young brother and his friends having a whale of a time.
And later in the year, wheels wobbling a little alarmingly, we took it to Walthamstow High Street to bring home the Christmas turkey.


28 I

I was winning.
I was certain of that.
Then the lights went out.
I was teetering on the brink.
The pitch vastness below my feet.
Again!
I am happy.
I do have friends.
I am not alone.
Yet I know; blackness is there.
Why does it want Me back?
Again!
I am certain of one thing.
I am not going back into that pit.
No hand holds.
No foot holds.
Nothing - except the scrabbling.
Again!
I am going to win.
I am certain of that.
I may merely balance on the edge.
I accept that.
I will win.
Again!


29 I love to hate you

Why are we friends? Sometimes I have to remind myself why... You're infuriating, mercurial, machiavellian and occasionally malicious one minute and the next you're this big pussycat, all purrs and snuggles, generous to a fault. You dance with hobnail boots in glee over others feelings and opinions and then suddenly you're there for me, just when I need you to be, fighting in my corner like some noble paladin on the proverbial white horse.

You defy definition, spinning on paradox and prejudice, sliding off tangents of excess and passion. I love you being you and hate it when you're not.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#9
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

30 I have a dream

I wish I could be happy
And carefree all the day,
Not care about life's trifles,
Or what others might say.

I wish I lived abroad
In some exotic land.
Adventure all the time,
Ne'er tedious or bland.

I wish I had a wife
I loved through thin and thick.
Who loved me in return,
Together we'd just click.

I wish I had two kids
Who really made me proud.
Not goody-goody quiet,
But boisterous and loud.

I wish I had a job
Each hour a lot of fun.
Respected and admired,
For all the things I've done.

I awoke!


31 What’s important in National Identity

“So you want to celebrate some welsh kid got kidnapped by some bloke called Niall of the Nine Sausages”.

“Hostages ! , And Yes, God did talk to him”

“Yeah right , and I suppose Princes and Kings bowed before him and stuff??”


“Well actually now you mention it …” “Well he lived a life of poverty and risked his life to spread his message”


“Not the first to claim that one I think”

“Well he did get rid of all the snakes in Ireland”

“Nothing to do with Geography???”

“There will be lots of drink”


HAPPY ST PATRICK’S DAY


32 Arachnophobia.

I suffer from Arachnophobia. Yet my star sign is Scorpio, an animal of the Spider family. I’ve never understood that.
Why, the only member of a family of five, do I scream the house down and have to get someone to get rid any spider over an inch?
Why are they so horrible, come to that?
Why can’t they drop the creeping and the black?
There is a theory that somewhere in another life I suffered from a spider bite. Slightly sceptical there, must admit.
Living alone, I have to get rid of the things myself. Life is so unfair!
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#10
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

33 Endings

We watch the cooling sun sink low in the sky
and see the birds fly south in skeins.

The leaves they glow in hues of warmth
and fall on furred white frosty ground.

We gather our harvest of wilding fruits and nuts
and store the kindling for the long cold.

The wood smoke rises thin in the dusk,
our windows lit with candles and wavering flames.

The door is opened as the day slips away
and a welcome voice is heard close within.

Your eyes hold mine in the fires glow
and speak of warmth far into the winding night.


34 My friend...?

... and more besides.
A comforter.
My haven from the storms
in my head and in my heart.
You are my strength,
my desire, my pain.
So much, much more than just...

... my friend...?

... who holds me through the nightmares
and fuels my fantasies.
You are my hero,
my hope and faith,
even when you fall
from grace, you are still
much, much more than...

...my friend...?

beyond words and touch,
deceit and pride.
I am your haven too,
what I want to mean to you.
No questions, no debts.
I will always be much more than...

Your friend.


35 SHELDON

I sit in my spot, surrounded by my friends and…acquaintance. How can I make them understand what it’s like to be me?

I see the world in hard facts, not poetry. I enjoy fantastic fantasies, not mundane ones like romance. I need security in my life, things going the way I want them to, or else my life is a cold dark place.

My mother loved me, but she didn’t nourish me. I wish I had Leonard’s mother. I wish I was surrounded by facts and rigidity, a stable structure to base all my life… don’t touch my food, Penny!!!




36 True Endurance

Humankind has always faced challenges head on.
Some challenges are far more difficult than others but those built of hardy stuff will persist until they succeed or perish in the task.
Sometimes these challenges are intriguing to watch , other times it is next to impossible to watch the pain and difficulty .

This was one of those times .
The look of concentration , the beads of sweat , the shear determination.
It looked as harder than anything should ever be.
But success was finally achieved .
The pregnant woman had managed to sit up and leave the couch
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#11
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

OWING TO THE EXPLICIT NATURE OF DRABBLE #37, THE POOHCARROT BOARD OF CENSORS HAVE CLASSIFIED IT AN "18"
IT SHOULD NOT BE READ BY MINORS!


37 Why Why Why Delilah?

Introduction. Shyness. Awkwardness. Flirtation. Laughter. Dating. Cinema. Restaurant. Crush. Conversation. Like-mindedness. Joy. Fun. Infatuation. Delight. Respect. Happiness. Reciprocation. Love. Eternity.

Peck. Snog. Caress. Bra. Knickers. Boxer-shorts. Bed. Sex. Disappointment. Laughter. Sex. Orgasm. Orgasm. Satisfaction. Cigarette. Kama-Sutra. Exhaustion. Fulfilment.

Change. Addiction. Absorption. Obsession. Possessiveness. Selfishness. Jealousy.

Doubt. Interrogation. Accusation. Denial. Argument. Abuse. Disbelief. Distrust.

Lover. Betrayal. Deception. Dishonesty. Unfaithfulness. Disloyalty. Deceit. Rejection. Split.

Abandonment. Dismay. Sadness. Disgust. Self-pity. Desolation. Despair. Demoralisation. Melancholy. Depression. Alcohol.

Anger. Rage. Fury. Malice. Spite. Revenge. Retribution.

Knife. Bloodlust. Insanity. Disfigurement. Mutilation. Dismemberment. Decapitation. Blood. Murder. Disposal. Suitcases. Station-lockers.

Police. Investigation. Guilt. Self-loathing. Worthlessness. Confession. Suicide. Death.


38 An Elizabethan Request .

“Excuse me, good Mercer...”
“Thou peevish weather-bitten foot licker, be off!”
“But...”
“S’wounds thou art a weedy crook-pated malt worm, can’st thee not hear me?”
“Oh, to Hades with it. Ah! Good Sir! Does’t thee have ...!
“Thou be a jarring lean-witted miscreant, ye paunchy bat-fowling puttock!”
“Charming! Well my thanks anyway! Excuse me, goodwife....”
“Forsooth thou art a clouted shrill-gorged mumble-news! Thou can’st not be but but a probbling onion-eyed fustilarian!”
I staggered on until I reached the market proper, “Good Fletcher, what...”
“Ye artless empty-hearted bum-bailey! Away!...”
And all I requested went the hour of the day!
Forsooth!



39 Just because...

He hadn’t spared the rod; now the child lay still.
There were vague figures through the glass door. The door- bell rang and the cry of “police!”
He was too well known in the neighbourhood; he couldn’t run and there was blood. All this, he thought, as he went to open the door like a good citizen, just because the child wouldn’t do what he wanted.
Who had called the police? There was more twitching of curtains in this street than he had known in his life. Ah, Her! She missed nothing.
“Do come in, Officer! Please mind the body!”
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#13
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

40 little and enough

little and enough
a favourite phrase
the litany of acceptance
or a spiralling prayer
on a circling wheel
of wishes and dreams
i reach out to you
then you slip away
days stretch on
into silent weeks
then you call out
and so i smile
for another hour
until it seeps away
here’s another day
you reach for me
and warm my mind
with precious words
i make you laugh
as time comes round
and you must leave
too soon too sharp
and I don’t cry now
it’s too hard to hope
that this can still be
little and enough


41 The litany of should... 've... n't...

I should...
be more positive
go with my instincts more
be honest with myself
summon up some courage
be fair to those who mattered more than most

I should've...
seen that love had gone
known it was never right
never let it go so long
made decisions, not postponed
left and kept on walking
forgot all about wanting this conscientious inertia

I shouldn't...
have stayed for so long
hope that time might still heal
deny that things aren't right
hold back on shouting out the truth.

I shouldn't be with you.
I should've said sooner.

I should just go away.


42 A Gentleman's A-Z Guide To The Fairer Sex


Arguments - you'll lose
Birthdays - expensive chocolates
Cooking - always compliment
Dish-washing - you do it
Extra-marital-relationships - they'll know
Farting - they do
Girlie-movies - they like
Haircuts - always compliment
Independence - you'll lose yours
Jewellery -they decide, you pay
Kinky-sex - unlikely
Logic - unfathomable
Marriage - last resort
New-men - they prefer bastards
Oh-my-God-look-at-that-bird's-tits! - don't say
Panties - usually enormous
Questionable - your fashion sense, never theirs
Romance - they like it
Sex - ladies first
TV - no sport
Understanding - cars/sport none
Valentine's - red roses
Wet-patch - you sleep in it
XL-size - never mention it
Youth - always underestimate their age
Zoroastrianism - more chance of understanding this ancient Persian religion than your typical woman.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#14
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

43 Lord Vetinari.

I do fancy Havelock Havelock Vetinari! The sexiest guy since Han Solo.
I am very jealous of Dame Margolotta because I am certain she gets more than a game of Thud!. And that’s just not fair. My admiration whimpers wistfully at Lord Vetinari’s dark, sinister, good looks. A good, poison free meal, will do him the world of good though. He has a sexy common sense about him rarely seen in other men. Mind you, I wouldn’t mind being dragged anywhere, except the dungeons, by Lord Havelock Vetinari. Even the name makes me tingle. And I hate mime artists too!


44 Dancer in the Stars

She rises and falls in starlight
Dancing and dazzling.
Unbound from the chains,
Free and sparkling,
She flies and floats,
Light of step and turn
In the deep night.
Past the celestial glow.

The Moon delights in her face,
Whirling and spinning
Above earthly strife.
Brightly turning,
She leaps on high
With no care or fear
And twirls on past
The heavenly star-strewn path.

All pain gone she dances on,
Grey eyes glittering,
Dark hair flaring wild.
Twining, swirling,
Her grace goes on,
Blazing forth above the world
In bliss so high,
With the stars - her dance lives on.



45 ABCD_FGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

I know now what I did was wrong. But I had to do it, didn't I? How could I stop? I'd just to try, try to hold that torch so high - so high it might tap a god's own roof?
And I did. Burning down that room of idols, thought of as immortal - but I caught confirmation that this myth, of all myths, is wrong.

I had a scrap of that liar's ash.

It sat upon my hand, until light'ning from on high burst through my soul.

I hold suspicions that immortality is, in fact, a truth.




damn.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#15
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

46 CAPITAL SINS
My sin? Envy is my sin.
I envy those who enjoy life as it comes, never thinking of what it might come tomorrow. I’m so scared about tomorrows I can’t even enjoy today.
I envy those who aren’t overwhelmed by emotions, but can shrug them off when they want. I’m a slave of my emotions.
I envy them, because they appear to me to walk easily through life, knowing what to say, how to talk to people, making friends. I have no friends.
I envy who’s intelligent or strong, cause I’m not.
My sin? Envy is my sin. What’s yours?


47 I WISH ….
This was a free world, where one could choose freely how to live their life, but you’re not even free to choose who to love.
Why people care? I can’t understand.
People say it’s WRONG, but all I did was fall in love, never thought my feelings were everybody’s business.
People hurt each other, hate for reasons I could never see, and say “that, at least, is normal”, and shake their heads at me, because “his love is wrong”.
All my life I thought Love was Good, Hate was Bad. What an idiot.
I only wish I could love him.


48 And the Pilot was so Charming:

Them: Halt. Check. Ticket. Scrutiny. Questions.
Us: Walk through, greeting Customs Officer, who is chewing gum.
Them: Search, frisk, x-ray bags.
Us: a Quick x-ray of bags and on to waiting area.
Them: Coats, shoes, bags searched. Questions.
Us: Settle, wait to board.
Them: Scrutiny of passports once more. Questions over relatives.
Us: Start to board plane.
Them: Arrive at boarding area. Documentation checked again.
Us: 5 mins. to flight.
Them: Hurrying to board. Problem getting on board.
Us: Irritated and Pilot was so charming.
Them: frought.
And why: the elderly lady was of foreign birth and in a wheelchair.


49 Magic

Magic man. That’s what you are.
Inside my mind, within my blood,
I feel your call spun through the air.
My spirit soars at your wise man words.
You are my truth, my one desire.
My magic man. My heart’s on fire.

Where will we end my magic man?
We get so close. It seems so real,
I can feel your touch and trace your smile.
Even though it’s a dream, our minds can fly.
I long for your voice, to hear your call.
Are we meant to be, across Time's span?
That’s what you are. My magic man.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#16
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

50 Welcome to Britain 2020

They're watching me.

They monitor my every movement on CCTV whenever I leave my house.
They read my emails and open my post.
They listen to my phone calls.
They know where I work and who my friends are.
They know where I drive.
They know my financial details and medical records.
They know what library books I read.
They know when I leave the country and how much money I take with me.

My crime?
I dared to criticise them.

They no longer tolerate independent thought or dissent.
If I step out of line again, they'll make me disappear.


51 Smile

Do I smile too much?
I so like to smile at you,
that much is far too clear,
for my lips send their love to you.

I do smile too much!
You make me feel so raw.
It’s too often smiles through tears
when my heart is sad and sore.

Am I smiling in confusion?
I can’t see why it should be,
that you’re always running here and there,
instead of loving me.

I’m not crying, only smiling,
Just to make sure that you can see,
That I know your heart is restless
but could find its balm in me?


52 Help Required.


The man stared at the advert:

Handyman & Cook required to help elderly woman in rural location.

He needed a job – He wanted a job. But dare he do it?

He summed up his chances.
A Handyman. Yes! He could do that. He was good with tools. He liked tools. He knew he could cope. But cooking? The only thing he knew how to do was porridge. He chuckled at the thought.

He’d spent much of his adult life in prison as a failed burglar, and now an elderly woman in a rural location needed help.

He posted the letter.


53 A Day In The Life

Yesterday, the fool on the hill met Elenor Rigby in a Norwegian wood.
"Hey Jude, let's take the long and winding road to strawberry fields. I'm a paperback writer."
"And I am the walrus," she retorted sarcastically.
"Girl, I want to hold your hand. All you need is love."
"Let it be, nowhere man!"
"Here comes the sun," he said, exposing his manhood, "Wanna ticket to ride? A magical mystery tour? Come together?"
"Lady Madonna! Help! Get back! You've got to hide your love away!"
"Please, please me! Love me do, don't let me down!"
"When I'm 64! Hello, goodbye!!"
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#17
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

54 A dog’s tale

I’m going on holiday! My family is so wonderful. They’re very busy, I should let them in peace, but I’m so excited…
Finally everybody’s ready, Dad will drive.

How long has it been? I think I need to go for a walk. Oh thanks, we’re stopping. They say I can go if I want. Thanks, you’re wonderful, I love you so much.

I’ll go back now… but ... where’s dad’s car? Where’s everybody? Did they forget about me?
Stupid dog, of course not, they love me! They’ll come back, I’ll wait here by the road, they’ll come back…


55 PART ONE (A story with Elton john’s song titles)

I remember him saying “believe me, the king must die and I’ll be the one to kill him”
It was between seventeen and twenty days ago, beginning of January. Yesterday I heard Princess Amy has died. Did he shoot her?
I can’t, Emily, you look and then tell me what the papers say. Too many tears cloud my eyes. I stop and I breath, thinking of my dear John: he’s too young to die!
So much pain I can’t take it. I raise my eyes to the sky and yell “If there’s a God in Heaven, what’s he waiting for?


56 PART TWO (A story with Elton john’s song titles)

Tonight the end will come for me because I’ve failed. No lies, no excuses. I came in this town with my father’s gun and a target, but I missed.
Now I think I’m going to kill myself, before they kill me. So many damn years as a slave, I wanna die a free man!
I won’t kneel and pray “Dear God, please, have mercy on the criminal”: NO, I reject salvation!
I’m still standing, a cold smile on my face, humming a tune. The last song I’ll ever hear.
What is it?
Sorry, but this song has no title
Goodbye.


57 PRIVATE MOURNING

My skin feels strange. I try to focus my eyes but can’t. I realise I’m crying. That’s what it is, then.
I don’t wipe them with my hand, I do nothing to dry my face. I stay put, unable to see and not caring. There’s nothing I want to see anyway, now that you’re gone. More tears: they’re burning hot, but I welcome them now. It means I’m still alive. That’s a good thing right? Even if you’re not here anymore.
I guess it’s what people would say if I let’em know, but I won’t. My sorrow is my own.

58 THE PRISONER (of Center Parcs)

I woke up to find myself in the.........VILLAGE!

What was this place?

Glassy-eyed "happy people" cycled past under the all-seeing gaze of TV cameras.

The Village shop sold a variety of exotic, foreign foodstuffs (Marmite, pork scratchings, Weetabix) which could be purchased simply by using a plastic card.

I missed the Top 40 countdown so asked,
"Who is number one?"
"You are cabin number 119"
"'I'm not a number, I'm a free man!"
"You're raving bonkers!"

I tried to escape, but a great big white balloon-thingy rose up out of the lake, bounced across the water and squished me.



59 Dining At 30,000 Feet

"May I take your order, sir?"

"To start, I'd like the chewy, rubber, shrivelled prawns on a bed of leftover, limp lettuce leaves, squishy tomatoes and some dodgy oily-water masquerading as dressing.

For the main course I'll plump for the cardboard chicken-a-la-bland, fried in ketchup with un-named, soggy, out-of-season vegetables, and a stale bread roll with a little packet of melted margarine.

And for dessert, can I have the pink, wobbly cube of artificial, synthetic strawberry mousse with a plastic cherry on top?"

"Will that be all?"

"Oh, I'd also like a cup of brown, tepid dishwater with two sugars."

"Certainly sir.


60 3 wishes

I wish to win the Lottery. Why can this not happen? Just One Million would be nice enough to give some to charity and for me to live off the interest and be comfortable. It is not considered greedy, surely?
I wish to travel and be free to go at the drop of a hat to all those places I have only dreamt of and to go with whom I want.
I wish that this one wish could come true and that I can win the Lottery. Not much of a wish when you consider what some people ask for.
 

pip

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 3, 2010
8,765
2,850
KILDARE
#19
Re: 2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR

I'd like to see Meeps throw in a few entries this time.
Seriously. I'm curious to see your own stuff in something like this. :laugh:
 

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