2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR- OPEN!

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poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
This site is funny. :dance:

Simply choose a male and female, 9 adjectives, 5 adverbs, 3 nouns, 3 body parts, a verb, the same verb in the past, a prepositional phrase and a metaphor (though I think it's more of a simile :rolleyes: ) and press the button and it'll make you a drabble.

http://prillalar.com/drabbles

Here's my first attempt :laugh: :laugh:

A Sexy Day To Spank

Pooh stepped quickly out into the painful sunshine, and admired Jano's bum. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a slippery sight."
Jano climbed off the condom and walked dangerously across the grass to greet her lover. Pooh patted Jano on the face and then tried to spank her well, but without success.
"That's all right," Jano said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not stupid," Pooh. "Not as stupid as the time we spanked in a hammock."
Jano nodded huskily. "We were freezing back in those days."
"Our knees were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Pooh said. "Everything seems fast and blue when you're young."
"Of course," Jano said. "But now we're wet, we can still have fun. If we go about it loudly."
"Loudly?" Pooh said . "But how?"
"With this," Jano said and held out a dirty spoon. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to spank."
Pooh swallowed the spoon at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to spank loudly. They spanked like a stuffed pig. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
 

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
...and here's another one featuring Sjoerd and mC. :dance:
I used nice, clean, lovely words. Any naughtiness in the story is not down to me eg; "slipping him the tongue!" :cool:

(Mind you, if that's only 100 words, I'm Dutch! :rolleyes: )

Loving Lang Syne

Sjoerd sipped beautifully at his drink and stood loving behind a gin. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel hunky and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how elegant his nose got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Sjoerd knew very well why he was at the party: to see mC.
Ah, mC. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her devoted cheek made Sjoerd's heart beat like Romeo and Juliet.
But tonight everyone was masked. Sjoerd peered romantically through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was mC. There, he thought, the woman over by the love, the tall one with the walrus mask. It had to be mC. No one else could look so romantic, even in a walrus mask.
She began to walk Sjoerd's way and Sjoerd started to panic. What if she actually talked to Sjoerd?
mC came right up to Sjoerd and Sjoerd thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," mC said cheekily. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the cooker," Sjoerd said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so cute.
Just then, a macho voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Sjoerd's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that mC might ...
"Happy New Year!"
mC swept Sjoerd into her arms, bent him on cloud nine, and kissed Sjoerd lovingly, slipping him the tongue and groping his hand.
Sjoerd could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out hilariously and pulled mC's mask off her face. It was mC! "I knew it was you," Sjoerd said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," mC said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Sjoerd watched her go. She would be right back, Sjoerd was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
 

meerkat

Sergeant-at-Arms
Jan 16, 2010
9,413
2,800
68
Pocklington East Riding Yorkshire
What happened to mine! :rolleyes:

1000 Quantum African Elephants

Meerkat paced Daily back and forth. Knowledgable dread filled her heart. Mr Darcy should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my Simpering love, Meerkat thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Mr Darcy had been taken hostage by Astute Bosom, a supervillain who had the city in a state of Cross terror. Meerkat fainted dead away, The dream hovered like a drunk dragonfly over the river of imcompleteness.

When she came to, there was a bump on her Left knee cap and the Knowledgable dread had returned. "Mr Darcy, my Witty honey bunny," she cried out Indescriminately. "What is Astute Bosom doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing Pleasantly as he Pulsated him in the Hand.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Meerkat remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 Quantum African Elephants, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Meerkat ordered in a supply of Quantum and set to work, folding African Elephants until her Left knee cap was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last African Elephant when Mr Darcy walked in the front door.

"Mr Darcy!" Meerkat screamed and threw herself into Mr Darcy's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Quantum African Elephants and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing In England. She kissed Mr Darcy Fortunately on the Hand.

"Actually," Mr Darcy said, pulling away Simply, "I was rescued by the Thoughtful Placemat. She's a new superhero in town." Mr Darcy sighed. "And she's really Flourescent."

The Knowledgable dread came back. "But you're Clever to be back here with me, right?"

Mr Darcy checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Thoughtful Placemat for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay Honest, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Meerkat choked back a sob and started folding another African Elephant. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
 

Jan Van Quirm

Sergeant-at-Arms
Nov 7, 2008
8,524
2,800
Dunheved, Kernow
www.janhawke.me.uk
Merde alors :rolleyes:

So it's windbag drabbles obviously - 198, 369 and 360 word counts so far not counting the titles.... :snooty:

Back atcha then smartypants :violin:

To Irrevocably Knacker

Poohvert and JVQ were celebrating a lacksadaisical Valentine's Day together. Poohvert had cooked a tumescent dinner and they ate in the mire by candlelight.

"My darling," JVQ said, stroking Poohvert's rectum, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Poohvert. "It is but a phenomenal token of my exhaustive love."

Poohvert opened the box. Inside was a saucy ne'er-do-well! He gazed at it busily. Then he gazed at JVQ busily. "It's camp," Poohvert said. "Come here and let me knacker you."

Just then, a resplendent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled and they all rutted like demented stoats until the cows came home. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a frivolous voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

JVQ read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other devilishly as the crone cackled some more. Poohvert's pubes began to tremble. Then JVQ shrugged, pulled out a bludgeon, and hit the crone on her mons venus. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Poohvert said and kissed JVQ embarrassingly. "This is a xenophobic Valentine's Day!"

They merrily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they knackered each other all night long.


149 words - I come closest so far :p
 
Jul 20, 2009
4,945
2,600
Lelystad, The Netherlands
:laugh:
It's quite fun :p

A Dumb Day To Walk

Pooh stepped happily out into the warm sunshine, and admired Klaas's ear. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a jealous sight."

Klaas climbed off the earth and walked silently across the grass to greet his lover. Pooh patted Klaas on the finger and then tried to walk him correctly, but without success.

"That's all right," Klaas said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not brave," Pooh. "Not as brave as the time we walked in a world."

Klaas nodded always. "We were small back in those days."

"Our brains were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Pooh said. "Everything seems angry and large when you're young."

"Of course," Klaas said. "But now we're rich, we can still have fun. If we go about it easily."

"Easily?" Pooh said . "But how?"

"With this," Klaas said and held out a tender snow. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to walk."

Pooh swallowed the snow at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to walk easily. They walked Don't point that metaphor at me!. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
 

SimStars13

Lance-Corporal
Apr 25, 2010
140
2,275
England
This is weird, but amusing... (I used real people, so I substituted with one's from my favourite band [although one is feminised!])

The Adventure Of The Otter

Martin Skarendahl and Samantha Swallows were out for a gorgeous Valentine's walk in a small hole in ground, somewhere far, far away from here. As they went, Samantha Swallows rested her hand on Martin Skarendahl's foot. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so android, Martin Skarendahl was filled with sadly dread.

"Do you suppose it's rotten here?" he asked quickly.

"You hideous silly," Samantha Swallows said, tickling Martin Skarendahl with her fish. "It's completely scrawny."

Just then, a humanistic otter leapt out from behind a mountain pass and stole Samantha Swallows in the collar bone. "Aaargh!" Samantha Swallows screamed.

Things looked tepid. But Martin Skarendahl, although he was wide, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a robot and, like a small, spherical robot that thinks it will die every time it does anything, period, beat the otter smartly until it ran off. "That will teach you to steal innocent people."

Then he clasped Samantha Swallows close. Samantha Swallows was bleeding jealously. "My darling," Martin Skarendahl said, and pressed his lips to Samantha Swallows's broken toe-nail.

"I love you," Samantha Swallows said faintly, and expired in Martin Skarendahl's arms.

Martin Skarendahl never loved again.
 

meerkat

Sergeant-at-Arms
Jan 16, 2010
9,413
2,800
68
Pocklington East Riding Yorkshire
Shabbers and Maximillion
by William Shakespeare (never knew he wrote this stuff - can I have some of what he was taking? :laugh: )

Enter Shabbers

Maximillion appears above at a window

Shabbers:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bacon, and Maximillion is the long eared bat.
Arise, cattle long eared bat, and smack the magic chip.
See, how he leans his leg upon his eye ball!
O, that I were a glove upon that eye ball,
That I might touch that leg!

Maximillion:
O Shabbers, Shabbers! wherefore art thou Shabbers?
What's in a name? That which we call an elbow
By any other name would smell as humungous
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "flew like a jet fighter on steroids"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove knob.

Shabbers:
Swain, by yonder magic chip I swear
That tips on a bath plug the grotesque egg--

Maximillion:
O, swear not by the chip, the smudge chip,
That adversly changes in its resplendant orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise resplendant.
Sweet, pen night! A thousand times pen night!
Parting is such effervesant sorrow,
That I shall say pen night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Shabbers:
Sleep dwell upon thy leg, peace in thine eye ball!
Would I were sleep and peace, so shabbily to rest!
cryptology will I to my cattle elbow's cell,
Its help to smack, and my humungous elbow to tell.
 

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