Best speech/monologue

[raptornx01]

There were the occasional character monologues throughout the books, some longer then others. What would be some of you favorites.

Vimes hardboiled egg speech from night watch, would be up there. But Death's speech to susan on the nature of his job in soul music is the one that sticks out the most.

"But most people are rather stupid and waste their lives. Have you not seen that? Have you not looked down from the horse at a city and thought how much it resembled an ant heap, full of blind creatures who think their mundane little world is real? You see the lighted windows and what you want to think is that there may be many interesting stories behind them, but what you know is that really there are just dull, dull souls, mere consumers of food, who think their instincts are emotions and their tiny lives of more account than a whisper of wind."

 

[=Tamar]

I don't know about the best, but there are some favorites. I like Vimes's answer to the Patrician (in Guards!Guards!), which is, more or less, "if you really believe that, why do you get up in the morning?"

 

[Penfold]

This one from Lord Vetinari in Unseen Academicals gets my vote.

“I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree. And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.”

 

[Sister Jennifer]

Good topic. Vimes's, The city was a wasa, wasa, wossname. Thing. Woman! Speech springs to mind.

 

[Ziriath]

This one from Lord Vetinari in Unseen Academicals gets my vote.

“I was walking along the bank of a stream when (...)”

This quote is quite ruined for me by the fact, that his audience were some football captains with maybe less than half of his intelligence.

 

[=Tamar]

How does the fact that a few of his audience _may_ have been unable to understand his point make any difference to the fact that the majority of the audience could and did understand?

 

[phalarope]

“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.”

I think it is interesting that Death cites 'duty' as one of the 'big lies', as he obviously believes strongly in it himself, and it is one of the most important things that give his existence purpose.