Bring me your quotes!

[MrsWizzard]

Hi all, not sure if this belongs here or in The Broken Drum, so please feel free to move this if I've got it wrong, Tony.

Anyhoo, I need some help from you lot. I'm graduating university next month and it's tradition here (at least for the ladies) to decorate our caps for graduation. I want to put a Discworld quote on mine, but I can't choose! I can't decide between a Rincewind quote, Tiffany Aching, or something else.

So I'm looking for suggestions. What quotes would you all use to send off from school with maximum snark?

 

[Who's Wee Dug]

There is this one from The Last Continent: But we're a university! We have to have a library! said Ridcully. It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn't go into the library?

Students," said Senior Wrangler morosely.

 

[RathDarkblade]

How about...

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Hogfather
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"I could certainly run a marvellous university here if only we didn't have to have all these damn students underfoot all the time."

Arch-Chancellor Ridcully in Hogfather
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Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had to be one of them. The faculty had long ago confronted this fact and had perfected various devices for avoiding it. But this was perfectly all right because, to be fair, so had the students.

Interesting Times
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I do like negotiating with people after the Unseen University have entertained them to lunch. The tend not to move around as much and they'll agree to practically anything if they think there's a chance of a stomach powder and a small glass of water.

Vetinari in Jingo
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"Explain to him that we don't do things, Stibbons," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "We are academics."

A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices (2005)
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"Yes, but we soon disabuse them of that," said the Dean happily. "What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?"

"Well put, that man!" said Ridcully. "Ignorance is the key! That's how the Dean got where he is today!"

A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices (2005)
------------------------------------
‘I’m not having this,’ he muttered, ‘not in my damn university. It’s worse than students.’

Soul Music
------------------------------------

 

[Penfold]

Here's a couple more for you.

'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

 

[MrsWizzard]

How about...

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

"Explain to him that we don't do things, Stibbons," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "We are academics."


"What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?"

These three are my favorites so far, Rath! The real kicker? I'm majoring in education!

 

[The Mad Collector]

The real kicker? I'm majoring in education!

Well in that case:

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterwards and used it?

The wizards were civilized men of considerable education and culture. When faced with being inadvertently marooned on a desert island they understood immediately that the first thing to do was place the blame.

If you needed someone who could talk about household items and things to buy in the shops in five languages, then Susan was at the head of the queue. Education had been easy. Learning things had been harder.

Sergeant Colon had had a broad education. He'd been to the School of My Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a postgraduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me.

education at the University mostly worked by the age-old method of putting a lot of young people in the vicinity of a lot of books and hoping that something would pass from one to the other, while the actual young people put themselves in the vicinity of inns and taverns for exactly the same reason.

 

[Molokov]

And of course this one from Mort:

"It appears you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever. Have you thought of going into teaching?"

 

[=Tamar]

From Interesting Times:
"Have you lost your senses?" "Yes," said the teacher, "but I may have found some better ones."
(Teach, by the way, was the name of a rather famous pirate.)

 

[RathDarkblade]

From Interesting Times:
"Have you lost your senses?" "Yes," said the teacher, "but I may have found some better ones."
(Teach, by the way, was the name of a rather famous pirate.)

Oh yes! Sir Edward Teach, much better known as Blackbeard. ARRR! :twisted:

 

[=Tamar]

Oh yes! Sir Edward Teach, much better known as Blackbeard. ARRR! :twisted:

Sir? He was not a knight.

 

[RathDarkblade]

Hmm... that's odd. :doh: When I looked up "Edward Teach" on Google last night, he was called "Sir Edward Teach" for some reason. Now, the only reference I can find to "Sir Edward Teach" is a place called "Sir Edward Teach Road", which is in Midway, GA, USA. *shrug*

Oh well. Wouldn't it be cool if he was knighted, though? That would change history! Blackbeard the Buccaneer, sailing the West Indies and the eastern board of the American colonies, terrorising all in the name of Queen Anne and Country! ARR! :twisted:

Instead of which, he died a pirate. Damn'd shame.

 

[MrsWizzard]

Thanks for the suggestions, all! I think this is the one I'm going to go with:

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Now the trick is making it all fit. I'll be sure to post pictures when it's finished!

 

[MrsWizzard]

As promised, here's the final monstrosity in all its dollar-store-craft-supplies glory:

I had this really neato idea to use glitter glue to give some texture to (what is supposed to be) the Disc, with Cori Celesti in the middle where the hat cap is. If I get any odd looks I'll just tell them my degree's in modern art.

Wanted to use foam letters or something for the quote, but the store didn't have any left in stock, so pen it is!

Today's the day, guys. I graduate in about four hours! And I have to say, much of these four past years have been bearable only because of you lot.

 

[Who's Wee Dug]

Congratulations

If you throw your board in the air it may not come down with that on it.

 

[Penfold]

Congratulations, make sure you tell us how it went.

 

[phalarope]

Congratulations MrsWizzard!! :clap: What august institution are you now an alumna of?

If you have the time to celebrate with other DW fans, there is a fan meet-up in State College, PA, June 9-12. PM me for further details.

 

[Dotsie]

Congrats Mrs Wizzard! Nice work on the hat

 

[MareenKing]

There is this one from The Last Continent: But we're a university! We have to have a library! said Ridcully. It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn't go into the library?

Students," said Senior Wrangler morosely.

Oh yes, that's my favourite too!

 

[MrsWizzard]

Hi all! The ceremony was...interesting to say the least. One thing they never tell you is how unbelievably, monumentally...anticlimactic walking up and receiving your degree is (especially when all they actually hand you is the diploma holder - they mail you the real thing ).

Every school always gets some big job to give some kind of speech to the graduating class, I guess to encourage them in seeking higher education (kind of a moot point at this time, but okay). We had some former police sergeant giving ours. Though, it would have been a bit more impactful if he hadn't mispronounced the school's name every time. They had this guy planned months in advance, you'd think he would've run his speech by someone. The big highlight though, was the announcement that the school was officially changing from college to university status...Though my degree will still say "college" unless I want to pay extra for a new one. Oi.

I also was not entirely above hiding my Nintendo DS in my robe and playing around with a few friends during the ceremony. Most of it wasn't even focused on the graduating class.

EDIT: Oh, and I never mentioned the best bit. While I understand I'm a bit *ahem* limited in my arts & crafts abilities, I never considered what the hat might look like to someone who doesn't know about Discworld. Mr. Wizzard, a close friend, (and my father!) very affectionately pointed out that the design might, objectively, look, in fact, like an STD. Oops!

Overall, a nice day!

 

[Who's Wee Dug]

Is it just an admin fee to say uni on it, would be more impressive looking I suppose as opposed to college, for future employers or could you convince them to include U.U on it.