Forum Writer of 2012 Competition
- Thread starter poohcarrot
- Start date
41 Who?
You never forget the first alien you meet. Mine is called the Doctor.
He talks a lot but most of the time I don’t understand what it’s about. He’s got futuristic equipment.
Everyone treats him with respect and awe.
He’s changed his face a few times. I still know who he is. He’s the Doctor.
He always dresses the same.
I wish he’d let me out of this straightjacket. He tells me I’m to take my medicine like the other patients.
So I do. Soon I’ll be off on an adventure without leaving the sanitarium.
The Doctor is awesome.
You never forget the first alien you meet. Mine is called the Doctor.
He talks a lot but most of the time I don’t understand what it’s about. He’s got futuristic equipment.
Everyone treats him with respect and awe.
He’s changed his face a few times. I still know who he is. He’s the Doctor.
He always dresses the same.
I wish he’d let me out of this straightjacket. He tells me I’m to take my medicine like the other patients.
So I do. Soon I’ll be off on an adventure without leaving the sanitarium.
The Doctor is awesome.
42 Wee Three Wimman (to the tune of 'Holding out for a Hero')
Who'll see all the scunners off and drive 'em frae the glen?
Who'll gie birth to all the bairns and mak' 'em into men?
She'll banjax the lawyers and gae thru' the small print!
Don't she ken the brewin' of Special Sheep Liniment!
We love our Kelda!
She's our sweet mamma, or our lip-pursin' sister-in-law.
'Ware her foot-tappin' ways - her arm-foldin' sway
An' her heid-crackin' butts tae the jaw!
Long live our Kelda!
She's our fast-talkin', all-knowin' wee Queen in the raw!
Sure she's lovely and round - she's the Boss of this mound
A-seerin' like ye never saw!
Who'll see all the scunners off and drive 'em frae the glen?
Who'll gie birth to all the bairns and mak' 'em into men?
She'll banjax the lawyers and gae thru' the small print!
Don't she ken the brewin' of Special Sheep Liniment!
We love our Kelda!
She's our sweet mamma, or our lip-pursin' sister-in-law.
'Ware her foot-tappin' ways - her arm-foldin' sway
An' her heid-crackin' butts tae the jaw!
Long live our Kelda!
She's our fast-talkin', all-knowin' wee Queen in the raw!
Sure she's lovely and round - she's the Boss of this mound
A-seerin' like ye never saw!
43 PETER R NEWMAN: A TRIBUTE
Not yet fifty, he tumbles down the art gallery stairs. What goes through his mind as he rolls? Was it the film that he wrote, about atrocities in war and man’s inhumanity to man? Was it that serial for that science fiction show, featuring round-footed telepaths with an aversion to darkness and noise?
Maybe it is frustration at the writer’s block that followed, his need to write frustrated by his treacherous brain. Or perhaps he thinks of his family, of the people that will mourn his passing.
His head strikes the radiator at the bottom. Darkness falls. All is lost.
Not yet fifty, he tumbles down the art gallery stairs. What goes through his mind as he rolls? Was it the film that he wrote, about atrocities in war and man’s inhumanity to man? Was it that serial for that science fiction show, featuring round-footed telepaths with an aversion to darkness and noise?
Maybe it is frustration at the writer’s block that followed, his need to write frustrated by his treacherous brain. Or perhaps he thinks of his family, of the people that will mourn his passing.
His head strikes the radiator at the bottom. Darkness falls. All is lost.
44 DON’T READ THIS PAGE (DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION)
WARNING! DON’T READ THE FOLLOWING! YOUR LIFE IS IN DAN--Well, that’s enough of that. Seriously, they’re spoilsports. I mean, telling someone not to read something just guarantees that they’re going to read it.
Who am I? What am I? Who I am doesn’t concern you. And what I am, you probably wouldn’t understand. It’s too late, anyway. You’ve just read me. Now I’m in your head. You’re seeing me put these words on the page. Now, what to do with you? Should I be a squatter in your mind? Or should I play around with your mind? Decisions, decisions.
WARNING! DON’T READ THE FOLLOWING! YOUR LIFE IS IN DAN--Well, that’s enough of that. Seriously, they’re spoilsports. I mean, telling someone not to read something just guarantees that they’re going to read it.
Who am I? What am I? Who I am doesn’t concern you. And what I am, you probably wouldn’t understand. It’s too late, anyway. You’ve just read me. Now I’m in your head. You’re seeing me put these words on the page. Now, what to do with you? Should I be a squatter in your mind? Or should I play around with your mind? Decisions, decisions.
45 Pip's Having a Baby!
Sleepless nights, parental fights,
The tiredness makes you snappy.
The footie's gone, no wine and song,
Your life now one big nappy.
And then they walk, then they talk
And call you mum and pappy.
They make you see, all kids' TV,
Like Scooby Doo and Scrappy.
And when they're sick, something just clicks,
You panic and act flappy.
And their first curse, there's nothing worse,
It makes you mad and whappy.
You moan and groan, when they want a phone
With all the trendy appy.
Your past is done, your race is run.
But.....I bet you're bloody happy!
Sleepless nights, parental fights,
The tiredness makes you snappy.
The footie's gone, no wine and song,
Your life now one big nappy.
And then they walk, then they talk
And call you mum and pappy.
They make you see, all kids' TV,
Like Scooby Doo and Scrappy.
And when they're sick, something just clicks,
You panic and act flappy.
And their first curse, there's nothing worse,
It makes you mad and whappy.
You moan and groan, when they want a phone
With all the trendy appy.
Your past is done, your race is run.
But.....I bet you're bloody happy!
46 ERDŐS
“My brain is open!” declares the man on the porch, as the mathematician opens his front door. A single suitcase in hand, the man on the porch comes through into the house without further invitation. No invading vagabond is he, but an itinerant mathematician. A citizen of the world, and a genius to boot.
And thus it begins. A dance through the world of mathematics. Maybe one that might turn out a mathematical proof straight from The Book. Amphetamines and caffeine get turned into theorems through the medium of his brain. No social animal, but a marvellously magnificent mathematical machine.
“My brain is open!” declares the man on the porch, as the mathematician opens his front door. A single suitcase in hand, the man on the porch comes through into the house without further invitation. No invading vagabond is he, but an itinerant mathematician. A citizen of the world, and a genius to boot.
And thus it begins. A dance through the world of mathematics. Maybe one that might turn out a mathematical proof straight from The Book. Amphetamines and caffeine get turned into theorems through the medium of his brain. No social animal, but a marvellously magnificent mathematical machine.
Voting System #6 - The final voting system (possibly :whistle: )
Firstly I'd like to say that I'm flabbergasted at the quantity and quality of all the entries. I thought we'd be lucky to get 16 stories, not three times that number. :clap: :clap: :clap:
I decided to run it on the CA forum too, because I had a wild idea that we could get 100 stories together, enough for a charity book! Sadly, this is not to be. It hasn't taken off there as well as here, with only 5 stories submitted.
Now the first problem to overcome is narrowing the field down. Most people have submitted more than two stories, so to level the playing field for everyone, this is the all-new, foolproof voting system.
Qualification Round Starts Feb 10 - Ends Feb 14 10:00 pm (UK time)
Anyone can vote. Select 4 stories. If you are a writer, you can only select two of your own stories (max).
All stories that receive zero votes will be eliminated.
Voting is secret by sending me a pm.
Any story submitted after Friday 10 will automatically go into the the following group stage, starting Feb 15.
Group Stage Starts Feb 15 - Ends feb 20 10:00 pm (UK time)
All the stories that receive at least one vote will be placed into 4 groups. They will be seeded according to how many votes they received in the qualifying round.
Most votes - group 1, 2nd most - group 2, 3rd group - 3, 4th - group 4, 5th - group 1, 6th - group 2 etc etc.
Select two stories from each group. Voting is secret by sending a pm to me.
The top two stories from each group go through to the knockout stage.
Knockout Stage Starts Feb 21 - Ends Feb 26 10:00 pm (UK time)
Group 1 winner v Group 4 runner-up
Group 2 winner v Group 3 runner-up
Group 3 winner v Group 2 runner-up
Group 4 winner v Group 1 runner-up
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread.
Semi-Final Starts Feb 27 - Ends March 3 10:00 pm (UK time)
This will be randomly drawn by an impartial judge. However, if one writer has two stories in the semi-final, they will play each other.
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread
Finals Starts March 4 - Ends March 9 10:00 pm (UK time)
There will be two finals (possibly).
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread.
Because a third of the entries have been from non-native English speakers, it only seems fair that one of their stories receives credit. :clap: :clap:
If there is no non-native English speaker in the final, the two non-native English speakers' stories that received the most votes will contest another final.
If there is a non-native English speaker in the final, then there will be a third place match between the two beaten semi-finalists.
If a non-native English speaker makes it to the semi-final but not the final, that story will be classed as the winning non-native English speaker entry.
Conclusion
There will be one overall winner and two runner-ups, the writers of each will be named. :dance: :dance:
Secret voting for the qualification and group stage will be posted (if necessary) after the finals. :ugeek:
Now, this voting system should be complicated and fair enough to please everyone (highly unlikely, but worth a try).
:dance: 
Firstly I'd like to say that I'm flabbergasted at the quantity and quality of all the entries. I thought we'd be lucky to get 16 stories, not three times that number. :clap: :clap: :clap:
I decided to run it on the CA forum too, because I had a wild idea that we could get 100 stories together, enough for a charity book! Sadly, this is not to be. It hasn't taken off there as well as here, with only 5 stories submitted.
Now the first problem to overcome is narrowing the field down. Most people have submitted more than two stories, so to level the playing field for everyone, this is the all-new, foolproof voting system.
Qualification Round
Starts Feb 10 - Ends Feb 14 10:00 pm (UK time)Anyone can vote. Select 4 stories. If you are a writer, you can only select two of your own stories (max).
All stories that receive zero votes will be eliminated.
Voting is secret by sending me a pm.
Any story submitted after Friday 10 will automatically go into the the following group stage, starting Feb 15.
Group Stage
Starts Feb 15 - Ends feb 20 10:00 pm (UK time)All the stories that receive at least one vote will be placed into 4 groups. They will be seeded according to how many votes they received in the qualifying round.
Most votes - group 1, 2nd most - group 2, 3rd group - 3, 4th - group 4, 5th - group 1, 6th - group 2 etc etc.
Select two stories from each group. Voting is secret by sending a pm to me.
The top two stories from each group go through to the knockout stage.
Knockout Stage
Starts Feb 21 - Ends Feb 26 10:00 pm (UK time)Group 1 winner v Group 4 runner-up
Group 2 winner v Group 3 runner-up
Group 3 winner v Group 2 runner-up
Group 4 winner v Group 1 runner-up
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread.
Semi-Final
Starts Feb 27 - Ends March 3 10:00 pm (UK time)This will be randomly drawn by an impartial judge. However, if one writer has two stories in the semi-final, they will play each other.
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread
Finals
Starts March 4 - Ends March 9 10:00 pm (UK time)There will be two finals (possibly).
This vote will not be secret. Votes posted on the thread.
Because a third of the entries have been from non-native English speakers, it only seems fair that one of their stories receives credit. :clap: :clap:
If there is no non-native English speaker in the final, the two non-native English speakers' stories that received the most votes will contest another final.
If there is a non-native English speaker in the final, then there will be a third place match between the two beaten semi-finalists.
If a non-native English speaker makes it to the semi-final but not the final, that story will be classed as the winning non-native English speaker entry.
Conclusion
There will be one overall winner and two runner-ups, the writers of each will be named. :dance: :dance:
Secret voting for the qualification and group stage will be posted (if necessary) after the finals. :ugeek:
Now, this voting system should be complicated and fair enough to please everyone (highly unlikely, but worth a try).
:dance: 
