Imaginary casting convo -
Production Companyman: Hey don't get us wrong! We think the Death character is a right-on guy - which is why we're currently in negotiation with Mr. Gibson's people...
8)
TP PR guy: Wow! Hey that's wonderful! Mel with the Ultimate Lethal Weapon - love it! Inspired! Sorry I'm interrupting... what were you saying about the wardrobe problems?
: We're getting feedback from Mr. Gibson's agent - he's a devout catholic y'know and there is a slight problem with the cloak - it's far to dark for a character who they think is more angel than a creature of nightmares... Plus Mel doesn't do black much as you may have noticed - well not so much since Hamlet anyway...
8) : Oh... but I
loved him in Hamlet! And in Braveheart. Weeeell we don't have to be married to the black - how about a nice midnight blue? Deep purple? Hey! What about a nice
wicked deep blood red!??
: No! No!! No!!! No dark colors and
especially no red!
8) : No red? Why ever not - Mel'd look gorgeous in red - how about a nice burgundy then? What???
: *
apoplectic*
Are you kidding!! The guy's a nightmare when he's on the sauce! Watch my lips - no alcohol whatsoever OK!
8) : *
going a bright Rioja colour*
OK! OK!! I get the point... - but I meant the colour! Like erm... clar... umm... maroon
: No red, man! Capisch? Oy! No color at all - he wants
white OK!? *
wheedles* So when he does the thing with the blade it's gonna look wunnnnnderful with all the gore and blood see? Plus it'll look really cute if it gets cut up a bit and the wimmin get little glimpses of the pecs and the malibu tanned face when he tosses the hood back and does that thing with his curls swaying - FAB! I can really see this, man - he'll get that big box office pull back again...
8) : *
shaking head and looking puzzled* But the scythe doesn't go anyway
near people's bodies - it cuts the soul away from the body... *
looks even more confused* And as for white and tossing hoods back - he's gonna be masked up so you won't get the dramatic contrast between the ivory of the skull and the cloak - and there can't be any tan.
Gods I hate talking to these LA movie airheads
: *
goes white with fury* Hey! You think we're puttin' Mel Gibson in a
MASK you know-it-all g*ddamn pansy - he's a
farm hand ... for the love of Pete - save me from smartarse Brits!
8) : *
back to the Rioja...* He's a bloody
skeleton for f*cks sake! And anyway the actual character's features are CGI surely - and so's the action sequences! Mel's just doing the f*cking voice-sync surely?
: *
so angry he's hissing* Hey! This is a class production - *
dripping venom*
buddy And anyway Disney has an unbreakable contract on his voice talents. What the hell d'you mean Death's a skeleton - he's like a noble warrior! A ronin! An Action Hero you dumbass!
8) : ........... F*cking hell! He's the Grim Reaper you moron - not a f*cking combine harvester driver...
and so on
