Repent or Die - Week 2 cont...
It took almost five hours to clear the auditorium, all the time Pooh Carrot sat on the Sinners' Seat twiddling his thumbs, surrounded by heavily armed guards. Eventually, when the coast was clear, he was frog-marched back to the secure room. He was feeling very pleased with himself, and not a little relieved until he was greeted by a scowling Dot-C.
"Hiya Dot-C. I told you "I'll be back". I'm still alive...just. What did you think of my performance?"
"Carrot, you are an imbecile. What the hell do you think you were doing? When you tore up that Bible, I felt like slapping you myself. I thought we'd agreed it was best not to antagonise them? So what did you do? You only went and destroyed their Holy Book, didn't you?"
"Well, you know how it is. Spur of the moment decision and all that. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, it wasn't the whole Bible, just one book."
"Whatever! It was stupid! Very stupid! But you've done it so you'll just have to live with it, although probably not for very long the way things are shaping up."
"Thanks for the support!"
"Oh, do shut up Carrot! Now, do you want the good news or the bad news?"
"Whichever!"
"The guy you laid out has recovered consciousness and is being lauded as a hero for his actions, video of you taking him out has shot straight to number one on the godtube site, a T-shirt with your face and the words "Heathen Bastard" has already been produced and is selling in unprecedented numbers..."
"Ooh! Do you reckon I'll get a commision from each one sold?"
"Fat lot of good that'll do you if you're dead, I must say. Also, the ratings for the show were over two and a half billion, making it the most watched holovision programme of all time."
"OK, OK, tell me the good news now."
"That was the good news. The bad news is that you are infinitely less popular than a turd in a swimming pool, the holovision company has received nigh on five million death threats against you so far, and there is an unruly mob numbering in their tens of thousands outside this very building chanting "Death to Carrot". The only reason the building hasn't been torn apart brick by brick is because of a massive Religious Police presence, and these Police are not particularly subtle in their approach to man-management. There have been reports of several dozens of injuries, but thankfully no deaths yet. In almost every major city on the planet there have been demonstrations denouncing you and calling for your immediate execution."
"Could be worse, I suppose."
"You're right! I haven't finished yet. Here's the good part. In order to placate the world's population, Brother Sjoerd has gone on live holovision promising a rule change for the next programme. For next week's show, the number of voting options is being reduced by a third. "Burning" is being taken out, leaving just "Stoning" or "Repented". This means that you'll have to convince 33.5% of the population of a world that hates you, that they should vote to let you go free."
"Bugger! Oh well, at least I managed to convince 0.9% this time, so where there's life, there's hope."
"Um...actually, no, you didn't convince anybody. A lot of people who voted "Repented" have come forward to say that you're guilty as sin, but after seeing you KO that guy, they said it was the "best damned holovision" they'd ever seen. They voted "Repented" not because they believed you, but because they want to see you come back next week. In a world of sheep, you're a wolf. You're unpredictable, a loose cannon. That's why they voted."
"So basically you're saying I'm screwed."
"It would appear so."
"Do you, by any chance, happen to have any good advice as to what I should do now?"
"After weighing up the evidence, there is one course of action I could suggest."
"What is it then?"
"Have you considered prayer?"
"Oh! Ha, ha, Dot-C. Very droll!"
