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THE CARROTS "LIVE"

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poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#21
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#21
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

Good evening/morning/afternoon (delete where inapplicable) ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2012 Carrot awards for the Writer of the Year competition. We have in store a night/day/afternoon (delete where inapplicable) of high drama, revelations, fireworks, triumph, shattered dreams, laughter and tears. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

The competition has been a resounding success and with over 5,000 views on the main thread alone (in just over one month), has proved to be one of, if not the, most successful and popular threads ever on the Transworld Terry Pratchett forum. Not bad for a competition that was banished to the wastelands of the forum to die a slow and painful death. :cool: :cool:

It would have been even better if more people from the Broken Drum had participated in the story-writing and voting, but I quite understand why they didn't - it's because they're all grumpy and boring. :laugh: :laugh:

So shortly we'll get down to the real business of the night/day/afternoon (delete where inapplicable), the dishing out of awards to the competitors, with the grand finale being the award of the GOLDEN CARROT to the Writer of 2012 - a writer selected from this group of his/her peers. :dance: :dance:
 
Quatermass

Quatermass

Sergeant-at-Arms
#22
Dec 7, 2010
7,868
2,950
#22
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

Thematically appropriate, but this is a much better awards ceremony theme: bombastic, a little snarky, and with way too many horns and saxophones:



:p
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#23
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#23
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

MVP Carrot

(apologies for re-posting - it just deserved to be here)

In all major competitions nowadays, the award of MVP (Most Valuable Player) is awarded to the competitor who has had the biggest impact on the tournament. It's a tradition, or an old charter, or something. :cool:

So without further ado, I would like to award the MVP to the writer of the story "The Puzzle." :dance:

The Puzzle

So I sat in my chair, the magazine stretched across my lap;
“Only ten minutes given this time”, I pondered, clasping my pen tightly.
Dispelling all other thoughts from my mind, I would concentrate on the task before me.
Until I emerged victorious!
Kicking off, I placed the first, with the second soon following, and then the third......Time flew by!
Utilizing only one to nine, I would finish with just seconds to spare.......and then;

Suddenly I saw my error!
Using one twice!
“C*ck!” I shouted.
Knowing I could never find the mistake in time, I screamed in rage;
“SODUKU SUCKS!”

I must confess that even though I read this story on several occaisions, I spectacularly failed to notice its sheer inventive brilliance, with the first letters of each sentence spelling out the final line. :oops: Amazing! :clap: Jano also failed to spot this, for when she put it into a word document, she altered the lay-out, so instead of saying "SODUKU SUCKS" it said "I AM THE DAUGHTER OF SATAN" (or something a bit like that. :laugh:)

When this was brought to my attention (and rightly so) by the author, I apologised profusely and Jano restored it to its former glory. :p

So the writer of "The Puzzle" is hereby awarded the MVP in the Writer of 2012 competition.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

However, MVP on this occaision stands for "Mike Verily P*ssed-himself-laughing," because something suddenly dawned on me. :think: :eek:

This writer clearly has as twisted and devious a mind as Professor Moriarty riding a helter-skelter with a pocketful of corkscrews, but unfortunately has the spelling ability of an ant! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

SODUKU??! SODUKU??!
Shouldn't that be SUDOKU? :whistle: :whistle:

And the winner is...
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#26
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#26
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

Unfortunately Pinflod couldn't be here today because he had far more exciting things to do such as watching traffic lights change colour, and paint dry. :cool:
But here's one he made earlier. :dance:

Penfold said:
Ackseptanse Speech

Wel its tyme to addmit that the persson hoo can't* spel Sudoku is nun uther than myselph! In my deefense, I woz thinkin abowt crikkit at the tyme and a "soduku" is a allturnitiv naym for a "Carrom Ball".** Allso, Speling haz allways bean a probblem as mi manajer at the caseeno sed wen he sore mi rekord-keeping on the payperwerk.

Enyway, I am honord too reseeve this awawed and wood lyke too thaynk evrywon hoo took prat, espeshally Poo and Jan four awl there hard werk too mayk it the suksess it haz bean!

Wunse agane,
Thaynk-yoo awl.

Pinflod.*** :laugh:
Click to expand...
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#27
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#27
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

Carrot for "Best story with a 5-letter title written by a projectionist living in Bristol"

This category proved to be one of the toughest for the judges to decide. In the end it boiled down to either "Zygomaticus Major Muscles Only" or "Swear." It could have gone either way, but in the end the judges came to their decision based on the fact that the former didn't have a 5-letter title, wasn't written by a projectionist (or an ex-projectionist), and the writer lived as far as way from Bristol as is humanly possible while staying on the same planet. :laugh:

The winner is...
 
Quatermass

Quatermass

Sergeant-at-Arms
#31
Dec 7, 2010
7,868
2,950
#31
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

poohcarrot said:
By the way, everyone who wrote a story will win a Carrot. So get working on those acceptence speeches! :cool:
Click to expand...
Got mine written. :twisted:
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#32
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#32
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

CARROT FOR BEST SET DESIGNER

This young lady :eek: helped enormously by putting all the stories onto a word document for everyone except Pinflod to totally ignore. :laugh:

A computer whizz who although wrote some average stories, could have a serious future in the world of website deseign, providing she learns how to spell, understands a bit more about punctuation, and brushes up on her grammar. :dance:

The winner is...
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#36
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#36
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

CARROT FOR BEST WORST LINE

48 stories, 4,800 words, over 1,000 sentences, yet one sentence shone out as being so bad, so god-awfully cringeworthy, so appalling, that it passed through the rapids of terrible-ness into the placid waters of sheer and utter brilliance. :cool:

The line was from The Deer.

Soon she’ll have forgotten him
Sure as rain, sure as the moon shines
But for now we see her thusly,
Pining among the pines. :doh: :doh:

One of the writer's other stories, I voted for twice because I thought it was so good. :cool:

The winner is...
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#38
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#38
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

As this is taking a helluva lot longer than I anticipated :rolleyes: I have two choices.

1. Rush it :eek:
2. Continue tomorrow evening at the same time, with everything already typed up. :cool:

Hmm..........

WE WILL NOW TAKE A SHORT BREAK AND CONTINUE TOMORROW AT THE SAME TIME. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Batty

Batty

Sergeant
#39
Feb 17, 2009
4,154
2,600
East Anglia
#39
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" 1:30pm Saturday March 3

Quatermass said:
Can I throw rotten tomatoes? :laugh:
Click to expand...
Considering that I logged on - (but only after I finished a crispy bacon sandwich) - full of expectation - and all excited I was ... and now I have to wait until tomorrow??????

Yes, Q. Please throw some tomatoes! I'll join you! ...
 
P

poohcarrot

Sergeant-at-Arms
#40
Sep 13, 2009
8,317
2,300
NOT The land of the risen Son!!
#40
Re: THE CARROTS "LIVE" TO BE CONTINUED.....

As Q was the only one making comments and he sent me a pm saying he was going to bed coz it was midnight, it seemed like a good idea. :cool:

But I will try and post all the other Carrots before 1:30 tomorrow apart from the Gold, silver and bronze. :dance:
 
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