The Pooh Pit

[poohcarrot]

While I was in the UK I bought a book of modern quotations. There are some reet gud crackers in it.

Over the next 7 days I'll post 3 quotes a day, then at the end I'll give you a list of 21 names and you try and put the names to the quotes. :dance:

Day 1

"How do you know when it's time to wash the dishes and clean the house? Look inside your pants. If there's a penis in there, it's not time."

"There are two kinds of women in this world - those who like chocolate and complete bitches."

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch breakfast television"

 

[poohcarrot]

If you google, it's dead easy, so don't! :twisted:

 

[poohcarrot]

Day 2 :dance:

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals then why are they made out of meat?"

"My fifty years have shown me that few people know what they are talking about. I don't mean idiots who don't know. I mean everyone."

"The worst thing that ever happened to me was that I offered a fellow a crisp from my bag and he took two."

 

[poohcarrot]

DISCLAIMER

The author wishes to stress that the quotes posted in no way reflect any views held by the author. Some quotes may even be deemed to be offensive by people of a nervous disposition. However, they are simply quotes which the author found to be amusing. :dance:

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

Don't fash yourself smartypants - we're just waiting to see who these people are

I think I know who yesterday's lot can be attributed to - but are they all by the same person or several?

 

[poohcarrot]

Yesterday's lot were three different people.

I put the disclaimer for some of the future ones I'll be posting. :dance:

 

[poohcarrot]

Day 3

Six today, :dance:

"Racial Characteristics of the Scottish: sour, stingy, depressing beggars who parade around in schoolgitls' skirts with nothing on underneath. Their fumbled attempt at speaking the English language has been a source of amusement for five centuries, and their idiot music has been dreaded by those not blessed with deafness for at least as long."

"To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with your mother."

"The problem with Yanks is they are wimps."

"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep."

"[England is] a soggy little island huffing and puffing to keep up with Western Europe."

"Canada is an entire country named Doug."

 

[poohcarrot]

Quotes 1 -12 were made by the following people; :dance:

Dave Barry
Jo Brand
Jo Brand
John Cleese
Dawn French
Barry Humphries
P J O'Rourke
Greg Proops
Gordon Ramsay
Vic Reeves
John Updike
Victoria Wood

 

[CrysaniaMajere]

"Canada is an entire country named Doug

This is the only one I feel like trying. It sounds like something Greg Proops might say :think:

I only know 4 of those names though

 

[poohcarrot]

....and you would be correct Crys. :dance:

Just out of interest, which 4 names do you know? :think:

 

[CrysaniaMajere]

I know John Cleese, of course, and I know Gordon Ramsey, but not well and have no idea at all what they might say. And I know Jo Brand, but she she looks to me like the kind that might say anything
I have no idea who the others are

 

[Penfold]

Here's my guess for one of them;

"How do you know when it's time to wash the dishes and clean the house? Look inside your pants. If there's a penis in there, it's not time." - Jo Brand

 

[poohcarrot]

...and you too would be correct Pinflod.

In fact, if anyone wants to guess at anytime (without using google :twisted: ) feel free. :dance:

 

[raptornx01]

oh, i thought the names were in order.

 

[poohcarrot]

They are in order. Alphabetical order. :dance:

 

[poohcarrot]

Day 4 :dance:

"Ever noticed how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?"

"My idea of a good Christian is a priest who can speed-read the Mass, not a semi-demented American with a permanent grin."

"A lot of Christians wear crosses round their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f***ing cross? It's like going to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

"If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?"

 

[Sjoerd3000]

Is the last one from Jimmy Carr?

 

[Penfold]

"A lot of Christians wear crosses round their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f***ing cross? It's like going to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

Oooooh I know this one, it's Bill Hicks.

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

"There are two kinds of women in this world - those who like chocolate and complete bitches."

Dawn French?

 

[poohcarrot]

Well done boys and girls - all correct. :dance:

Have one of these that the convenience store across the road has just started selling.

PS I'm pretty sure that Pinflod used the "If we are all God's children..." one a few months ago.