Thief of Time question (not for the squeamish)

[Penfold]

Hang about. I count 9 orifices.

2 eyes
2 nostrils
2 ears
1 mouth
1 twinkle
1 bum.

I hardly think a belly button counts, does it?

You're almost right Pooh. According to Wikipedia there are ten (yes TEN!) orifices for females.

A body orifice is any external opening in the body of an animal. In a typical mammalian body such as the human body, the body orifices are:

The nostrils, for breathing and the associated sense of smell.
The eyes, for the sense of sight and crying.
The mouth, for eating, breathing, and vocalizations such as speech.
The ear canals, for the sense of hearing.
The bum*, for defecation.
The urethra, for urination, and, in males, ejaculation.
In females, the twinkle*, for sexual intercourse, menstruation and childbirth.
Orifices of nipples
Orifices of sweat glands
Navel or belly button left over from placental mammals after birth.

Don't let this spoil a perfectly good discussion tho, I've always considered Wiki's definitions as a tad unreliable on occasion.

* I edited these words myself in keeping with the forum discussion. If anyone is still in any doubt as to what a twinkle is, definitely PM Dotsie!

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

Ye Gods! :twisted: 8)

Twinkle = a females front bottom (well technically it's the middle bottom if you count the wee hole) I can't believe I just wrote that...

BTW - the belly button aint an orifice at any time in any mammal as it's tied or sealed at birth - it is not an orifice in vitro either since it's an umbilical canal that passes nutrients from the mother's placenta to the foetus so in effect nothing enters or leaves as it's a connective tube without an opening whilst it performs it's only true function

By this criteria tear ducts are indeed orifices if titchy as they emit internal body fluids...

Quite an interesting deconstuction of the word orifice HERE...

 

[Penfold]

Yes, I too wondered about the belly button but who am I to argue with the 'experts'.

How deep does an opening (from your deconstruction of the word) have to be to become labelled as an orifice? And what of those people whose belly button sticks out?

By the way, thanks for definition of twinkle. If any one still has serious doubts over what it is then I suggest they post on the Ask Cassanunder Thread since they are obviously in need of serious help!

 

[raisindot]

A body orifice is any external opening in the body of an animal. In a typical mammalian body such as the human body, the body orifices are:

The nostrils, for breathing and the associated sense of smell.
The eyes, for the sense of sight and crying.
The mouth, for eating, breathing, and vocalizations such as speech.
The ear canals, for the sense of hearing.
The bum*, for defecation.
The urethra, for urination, and, in males, ejaculation.
In females, the twinkle*, for sexual intercourse, menstruation and childbirth.
Orifices of nipples
Orifices of sweat glands
Navel or belly button left over from placental mammals after birth.

Don't let this spoil a perfectly good discussion tho, I've always considered Wiki's definitions as a tad unreliable on occasion.

Hmmm...not that I would ever want to doubt the 100% reliability of Wikipedia, given still the notion that LL knew what the orifices did by experience, that would disqualify that sweat glands/tear ducts (I don't think she would even think these would be large enough, and not sure whether she cried or not, probably not). And well, the nipples--not that I can speak from personal experience, but they really only become 'functional' after the functionality of the twinkle has occurred, right?



J-I-B

 

[poohcarrot]

What about the Virgin Mary?

edit:

That was a really silly thing I just wrote. I was assuming the twinkle only had the one use ie; sexual.

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

She was just a one way street for that one pooh

 

[raisindot]

What about the Virgin Mary?

edit:

That was a really silly thing I just wrote. I was assuming the twinkle only had the one use ie; sexual.

With the risk of blasphemy, this reminds of me of that classic Sam Kinison (a great comic who started his career as a fundamentalist preacher) routine about Joseph's reaction after Mary tells him that she is pregnant with the Son of God:

Joseph: "Son of God right, okay, okay, I got it, Mary. Son of God. But this had better be the ONLY Son of God, right?"

J-I-B

 

[Dotsie]

Since sweat glands and milk ducts are microscopic (and numerous), I certainly don't count them amongst my orifices (not that I count my orifices very often).

Joseph: "Son of God right, okay, okay, I got it, Mary. Son of God. But this had better be the ONLY Son of God, right?"

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

I think the Hindus have orifices defined best in terms of hygiene/cleansing.

Navels don't feature in this ritual bathing as it's not a body opening but a disused sealed up tube (not even an exit/entrance). Ditto sweat and milk ducts as Dotsie points out they're basically skin and don't need 'sluicing' as such. All the other points have bodily substances (not necessarily the individual's ) being inserted or emitted or both. I could go on about the anus as being primarily designed as a one-way (exit) valve but better not go there... :twisted:

Anyway the good ole Hindus all make sure they cleanse the ears, eyes, nostrils, mouth and up to 3 nether region orifices daily. The rest aren't too important ritually

 

[bikkit]

Rejoice! A twinkle was what I thought it was!

 

[chris.ph]

lets have a competition , who has the most orifices bet i win

2 eyes
2 ears
2nostrils
1 old boy (male twinkle)
2 arseholes (1 is sticking out of my stomach)
2bellybuttons(when they sowed me back up they literally went straight back up hence 2)
1mouth

go on then beat that

 

[Who's Wee Dug]

consider it beaten,do you feel better now Chris .

 

[chris.ph]

i thought it was tina with the spanking fetish

 

[Who's Wee Dug]

Well you did ask.

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

lets have a competition , who has the most orifices bet i win

2 eyes
2 ears
2nostrils
1 old boy (male twinkle)
2 arseholes (1 is sticking out of my stomach)
2bellybuttons(when they sowed me back up they literally went straight back up hence 2)
1mouth

I'm not counting natural bellybuttons so no surgically enhanced ones either - it has to have a purpose as an entrance/exit to be a proper orifice aside from collecting fluff and talcum powder...

10's pretty good for a bloke though as they're rather numerically handicapped downstairs! :twisted:

You should beat most people I think chris

 

[Bouncy Castle]

How can you describe a bellybutton (inny or outy) as an Orifice?

 

[Dotsie]

It's more of an invagination (yes that is a real word - it means a narrow indentation) than an orifice. How deep does an invagination have to be before it's an orifice? And what about the GI tract, it goes all the way through so when does that stop being an orifice and start being a tube?

People are complicated, and that's a fact.

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

With the navel it's definitely a tube pre-partum and afterwards it's severed and then sealed (by tying off or natural shrivelling in mammals who have no opposable thumbs or who have failed to invent scissors... non-human mammal navels are all outies ), having served it's only natural purpose except perhaps as a surgical entry point for abdominal endoscopy and other delightful medical 'procedures'

 

[poohcarrot]

I invaginated my car when I hit a bus stop.

 

[Jan Van Quirm]

Pervypants